Future...

Well.. yst I took leave on sun.. as I am very tired having to rush down to work after my church.. hence I have decided to do something different for myself..
The night before I was thinking what should I do, I have been cracking my head and just can't find a solution.. just then around 10pm, my very close gf J text me and telling me how much pain she is having right now.. she was down with high fever and cold.. and tummy cramp.. I pretty worried for her as she is right now having her first baby that is still under the first trimster so things still not quite settle down for her. When I heard that I kneel down and prayed for her, I asked god is there anything I could do for her, if yes please let me know.
So the next day morning, when I woke up I saw her text that she send around 5am saying that her fever didnt went down instead it crept up 38degrees celsius. After reading her sms, I got change asap and went to her place to check on her.. and my whole sunday I was taking of her.. keeping her accompany, making sure she take her medicine.. and she sleep well...

Something struck me.. and kept me in my deep thoughts..
Well, J is going to be a young single mother without having a stable job... I wonder how her life is going to be?? I really wish that I can help her.. but I myslef is financially unstable.. At that moment, I start looking back at my family.. and I start questioning myself.. what happen if they need emergency cash.. where are they going to get this money from..Borrow?? No!! of course not..i told God that I alwys want to be for them.. how could i let them suffer like this.. No..No.. my head get shouting and screaming..

I just sometimes hate myself begin like this.. all this while I have been telling myself do work hard and smart so that I get rich faster.. and most importantly is having things of my own and for my family.. I want them to start enjoying.. but look what have I done for them.. nothing.. I have wasted the last 3years basically doing nothing.. how could I...

I got to do something.. stop giving EXCUSES.. Wakeup !!!

I want my future,.. !