Death is nearer.. my heart is bleeding profusely

Yesterday night and few nights before I couldn't sleep.. I kept tossing and turning on my bed.. the few nights back I just stare blankly at my ceiling.. and when I close my eyes.. flashlights start gushing in..
This is what I saw :
-- I saw myself growing old very fast and kept asking myself what is happening.. I saw coffin.. I saw my photo.. and I am dying soon.. my soul was there standing beside the dying body.. and the other side of me.. I were asking myself what was it like to be a dead person.. what if.. and .. and.. lots of qns kept flooding into my mind..

when I awoke again.. I were shivering with fear.. is death approaching.. I asked.. I am scare.. never in my life I were scare of death.. why is this haunting me down..

Yesterday night.. I not sure what were happening to me.. I couldnt sleep at all.. I were in tears .. firstly fear has conquered me again.. the fear I have for is death.. Death seem to be getting nearer and nearer to me.. am I going to die? I asked again,.. I do not know.. only god know..
I asked god why me.. and why now.. why.. why.. why when I have the breathe to carry on to pursue my happiness.. why all have to happen at the same time.. My mind is confused.. and tears just start rolling down my cheeks.. I am still bleeding.. it has yet to stop.. the med that I took .. stop it for less than a week and it is back now again.. it is driving me crazy.. as bleeding has not stop at all and has continue to exactly a month.. I am scare bcos .. what happen if ... if.. I cant say anymre .. I am scare... But indeed yst nite I did hve a good cry out..

This morning when I woke up.. I told god that.. whatever I have pray and ask.. lord I leave it to you.. I going to live a life that have no tomorrow..so that it will push me to work harder and appreciate things I have in my life.. so lord .. please do prolong my life.. love you lord.. Amen..

:x:x