The Reason

There's many things I wish I didn't do. I know it is wrong, but just couldn't stop myself from falling into the deep dark well. My hands are bleeding profusely but it still didn't stop me from digging. Nevertheless, I still keep the part of the bright light in me so that I can continue learning... I never meant to do those things to people whom I love deeply and dearest to me. And so I have to say before I go, that I just want you all to knowI've found a reason for me... To change who I used to be... and a reason to start over new and the reason is you... I'm sorry that I hurt you guys deeply...

It's something I must live with everyday and all the pain I put you throughI wish that I could take it all away... And be the one who catches all your tears... And be the one who will be standing outside carrying umbrella when you needed one.. to protect you from the scorching sun and the bitter rain... Thats why i need you to hearI've found a resaon for me... I'm not a perfect personI never meant to do those things to you all ... And so I have to say the reason to show a side of me you didn't know... Its all because of you... and it is also because of the pain that hurts me so deeply..

All I wanted is to have.....

Lost and Found

I am pretty lost today after hearing from Mr H. is going to leave me soon and flying back to his own country, France. Mr H. is quite a tall man with the height of 1.90m and medium size body. When I first met Mr H. it was at DC, where I usually hang out there to have my lunch when I am very broke.. I always see Mr H. at DC buying his favorite food.. I only started noticing that when he actually caught my attention.. It was an unforgettable one. So as each time when we saw each other at DC.. we will be saying Hi and Bye.. basically just this few polite greeting we pass to each other.. So what trigger off?? As for me, when I get to know a person, I just wouldn't want to just say Hi and Bye.. I wanted more like getting to know the person better.
So during one of the usual afternoon lunch at DC, I pluck up the courage and talk to him.. and first thing we did was to exchange our no.. so from that day onwards we started off sms each other day and nite.. and that's where it trigger off.. We went out with a few dinner dates and drinking session.. Eventually.. we get closer...
During the past few months of going out with him, I find that he is really a nice guy to be with.. despite the fact that both us are having different culture, different understanding and communication barrier.. Everything is still okay.. He is a real gentleman who loves to surprise you with flowers and dinners.. It feel so good to be with him.. as he try to make you feel special when you are with him.. I really love that kind of feeling..
So when today when he told me he is leaving soon.. my world just sank to the bottom.. it is still floating yet to sink.. but I know I can let it go.. at least we have happy moment together..
Now what I can do is do count the days till he be gone..
Despite the fact I am lost, but I know i will gain something.. but what is it?? I am not sure.. As my heart is still blur with the lost I am hving right now...