Where is the LOVE?

Mmm.. Not too sure you guys remember about A.. A that I talk about in one of my post.. I guess is about a few months ago..

Well I am glad that I pluck up my courage to talk to A through MSN and now through SMS.. The past 2years A has been lingering in my mind.. all I wanted was to tell A I am sorry for the trouble I caused and really hope that A will forgive me.. But thank goodness last year NOV I finally talk to A and beg him for forgiveness.. Well.. at first everything was cool and A does forgive me and gradually excepted me as friend... I was really happy.. overjoyed that A finally forgive me..

Eventually, I guess things got out of hand again.. and A start to pour out everything that A has been feeling for the past 2years... and started with this SMS:

A: Well its better to have a choice then none right.. so I guess you would understand how I feel...
RG: K k. lah I understand...
A: I didnt meant about work..
RG: HUH?? then you meant ... (RG pause for a while)... L??
A: Yes..
RG ( shock.. ): What do you mean.. care to explain mre?
A: You should knw better.. I still ... I felt I could be happier if...
RG: I am very sorry about what happen in the past.. and I am happy for you rite now as you have somebody who really L.. so do cherish.. what happedn in the past is my fault.. I should not hve listen to what other said but ME!.. and when you meant you could be happier is referring begin with me?
A: Yes true, but the problems is not that you listen to people, it's that you listen to the wrong people and take what they say as true.. I think we both would have been happier maybe.. I thought you were the one..
RG in thoughts.. I never know that this how you feel about me.. you never told me.. and gosh.. I your one.. why is this happening..
RG: Sorry about that.. really I shock.. dun know what to say..
..... ..... waited for a few minutes.. no reply from A..
RG: Hahah .. I have a very bad idea.. lets have an affair.. LOL.. jst joking :P
A: Sorry its true.. and also there has not been a day when I foot think about you and what might happen btwn us. I'm not just saying that. It is true. Man I've wanted to tell you that for so long now....
Red light alert.. red alert ...
Something struck RG.. she start to think back.. "I guess the greater barrier in a relationship is to speak out what your heart feel.. and if we are able to do.. then all this unhappiness will not happen.. "
RG immediately sms C: Hi girl.. you should start talking even it fail.. keep trying.. dun give up..

A: So how do you feel?
RG: Lost and yah I feel touch by what you told me.. How about you?
A: Mmm.. same.. you are not helping...LOL.. especially when u mention an affair.. You drive me crazy..
RG: Sorry.. please do cherish what you have.. I have learnt a lesson.. once you hve it you forgotten to cherish it.. but once you lose it you see the beauty in it and regret.. please don't make any silly mistake. As I knw you do love her.
A: So is that a long way of writing that you just want to be friends? Is an affair too much?
RG: Affair? Y? You don't love her?
A: I knew you would say that. U did mention it first. Yes I do love her. Sorry, I just don't knw what I want..
RG paused.. and this gave her mre encouragement to start talking things out with D.

A: ok well u know how I feel now. And I knw how you feel, so I guess we jst live with it. Friends?
RG: Yah.. live with it..

And it ended.. a good lesson that I have learn..
So I guess its never rite or wrong to pour out what your heart feel abt the other half.. Like I said before no one is perfect.. hence we need the tolerance and also the vice versa communication.. Its impt!

Christy's thoughts

Christy's thoughts..... quite like her blog...

Drink Drank Drunk.. Damn Drunk!!!!!!!!

Yst.. supposed to meet D.. but then D cldn't meet up bcos D need to work OT.. so therefore cancel... I was damned SAD... emotionally I feel like breaking down.. Like I said before I dont really understand D well and no idea what is D thinking abt.. sad sob sob..

So decided to drown my sadness somewhere.. so again my urge to Drink Drank Drunk.. and this time round really get myself drunk.. The usual me who nvr enjoy drinking Martini and Gin.. drank a lot of that.. many many.. to get myself drunk.. the feeling was good.. at first .. but till the last part when I want to puke but I cant puke.. that is how shit I feel..

At that point when I was high.. i start to recall my life as young as * till now @$.. (hee try break the code)... I nver have easy childhood.. and my most darkest secret (for almst 17yrs) is still yet to let out.. eventually yst when I txt my close gf C.. she called me immediately.. and I told her..
I dun knw why.. but i jst want to let it out.. its haunting me..

You know what sometimes I wish that I meet a car accident .. so that part of my bad memories will be rammed over... and start over a new life... I wish for that.. sigh.. Its wrong to think like this.. how can I again stand up to fight with it.. sigh..

Now I am awake.. but hving the hangover effect.. damn bad.. feel sucks now..
Now jst want to stop drinking.. FOR A WK.. or more.. the taste is terrible... right now in my stomach........

Lazy Day!

Feeling very lazy now a days.. and I do not know why? Is it I getting a self employed symptoms..? I don't know... Sigh...

Past few nights I have been waking up in the middle of the nites with strange and weird dreams.. all involve with people I know.. n these people are either super glued to me or I just got to know them... The super glued to me actually talk to me and even trying to tell me something "impt" in the dream.. but when I tried to recall in the morning I couldn't.. bcos at least in a nite I would have 3-4dreams and which means I would be awoke 3-4 times.. see this is how tiring it can be... I do try to interpret what it means with the help of the internet.. dream interpretation.. but sometimes it do make sense.. but thats not the point.. the point is it come true.. AND ITS FREAKING SCARY!!!

Please please those dreams that I have recently don't come true.. bcos it eat into me and make me vulnerable... oh GOSH!!!!

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Something to share.. this morning when I woke up while checking for sms ... all of sudden I feel sad.. I misses D... sigh ... despite the fact that D is here... but I STILL MISS D! Sometimes I wonder.. I wonder why D is like this... is it true D is shy? I dont knw... I have knw D for mth... and if D is still SHY.. then I do not knw what to do.. BCOS I am tired TO BE alwys THE ONE asking D.. sms D..
And bcos of this.. I don't knw what D is thinking.. and I am tired.. VERY VERY VERY TIRED.. sigh.. what am I suppose do? Talk to D... I dont knw man.. bcos matter a fact I am damn straight foward person.. and shoot ppl straight DWN...

Aiya.. why my life is like that.. alwys worry abt un-necessary PROBLEM!!!

I should also go learn meditation.. may be it helps...

Ok lah.. Oops I am ranting AGAIN!!!
Anyway bcos of the above factors .. I just want to say: I AM TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Drawing.. Cool rite.. try to figure out what it MEANS!

Left to right : Old Haggard Regina... Medusa...
<-----Good things nvr last

<----- Follow your desire
<---- Heaven

Its another day

Cam early to the library to surf net.. I know it sounded stupid.. but then my bro's laptop have decided to kick the bucket since last year NOV.. so I have problems in accessing com.. but anyway I love coming to the library.. where Slience is GOLDEN!.. too bad there isnt any real golds for you to pick up...

Ysterday.. I dun knw why I could not sleep at all.. Turning and tossing.. thinking about stuff that happen ysterday afternoon.. sigh I guess I hve done very badly during MTP... anyway no pt of mourning over the split milk.. is done is done.. so KEEP MOVING LAH.. RG...

And this morning as I woke up... I actually woke up a few times by my dream.. and dreamt a few locations with a few ppl at different time zone.. sigh .. so when I woke up I was feeling restless again... what an another day..

Start to realise that certain part of me is changing.. I cant eat during the nite.. I have lost my appeptite esp for dinners.. and I don't know y.. I have starting my insomina.. yst wasnt the first night I couldnt sleep but it have been like these for a week.. worse still during the day, I alwys feel like puking.. and feel yucky when I see food.. yeah sounded like I am pregnant but NO NO... I guess mst be hormone problem BAH!!! Hee hee sounded I am so old.. Hormone problem..

Sigh its another day I have to hang outside.. but thank goodness I have gym and other stuff to do .. and I can sneak back during noon while mum and dad hve gone to work... thank God for that..

K K.. jst realise one mre thing.. I am talking too much here :)

Wow its over.. Phew!!

Yesterday was really a restless day for me.. I started out home as early as 8am and went around Serangoon area to look for baking stuff and realise that there wasnt any much things I can buy for.. thus after walking an hours plus.. racking every area decided to go to Hougang central to see what stuff they have.. But too bad when I went down there the shop is yet to be open.. 10am is the opening hrs..

Time check it was 930am.. damn it got another 30mins to go.. thus decided to walk around NTUC houngang mall.. but apparently only fast food resturants and small food shop were opened.. Dun knw why.. but have the urge to eat Chai BEE HOON.. with egg and fish fillet my favourite combination.. and comes up to $2.20... Huh.. extra 20cents I see.. feel like telling the aunty.. can forgo that ... but any way pay her the exact...
Oh gosh.. I just love eating it.. it was yummy yummy.. esp the egg.. sunny-side.. but what I dun understand is .. why is outside eggs better than home cook one? That puzzle me all the time.. I love sunny side egg and everytime when mum did that .. I dun enjoy it.. it seem to hve a strange smell though...

After finished the plate of chai bee hoon.. time check it was 1000am... yahoo.. rush down and oh my god... This place is worse than the one at serangoon.. ended didnt find the stuff I needed.. so I decided that.. well I think I get the stuff another time from serangoon...

Time check again.. 1004am... ok I guess I shall make my move down to Dhoby gaut and shall start hunting for gift for tml M.T.P.. it was pretty tired bcos I walk almst 2hrs thinking what to buy and searching through every shop... but at least not bad for me.. bcos when I give myself a stringent time limit..I am able to find the right things... So it was 2 good hrs of shopping...

Time check again 1205pm.. ok time to go to gym.. as i hve body combat class at 1350pm... guess what at the gym.. while excersing my abdominal.. I nearly fall asleep.. i was so so so restless.. i dun knw y .. all of the sudden the sit up bench seem to be the right choice for me to sleep on.. lol...

Time check again.. 245pm.. oh no.. going to be late for my bible class.. rush down like mad.. but eventually reach there on time.. It was a great time spending with my mature aunties... hahah they brought a lot of goodies.. and we were like busy munching away... and when come to worship time.. all of us have a hard time to sing.. as our throat is very sore .. but was fun with them...

finally at 600pm.. its time to hit home.. so so so restless... nearly doze off while watching the chingay last night... BUT... dun knw why when i try to sleep I jst cant close MY EYES... Too cloudy.. worry abt tdy's MTP... Phew its over.. Yeah I am glad.. now I can back to myself again.. hee.. hee..

Finally Over!!! Time to put it aside and give a big smile.. :)