Missing HIM!

I misses his gentleness.. his soft eyes that would melt you down like an ice cream after it placed outside the hot sun for a minute.. his heavenly smile that lock you between his body and soul...

I misses him very much.. Many times, I wanted to go and visit him.. but whenever I was about to reach his doorstep.. my hands would be shaking and mind just kept yelling me to go back home.. you are too ashame to see him..
It is true.. I am too ashame to see him.. I know he will forgive me no matter what happen.. but the guilt in me kept saying no.. dun go... what more harm do you want to bring to him...

I misses that day, when he held my hand and let me down to the bank of stream and out of mystic forest..

Can't continue anymore.. as my heart is aching now.. it hurts.. it hurts very much.. I miss HIM.. I do.. I want HIM back.. I must let go .. I know I must.. But how...

Second Blog For 2006

Guess what.. my this new year resolution is.. well its not abt look, health or even fighting to get a bigger boo than Fiona Xie.. but to get rid the ulgier side of me.. where its all bottle with anger and bitterness.. I get need to get this system out of me... as it is giving me a big time fucking problem.. I hve become mre and mre impatient with people.. people whom I dun knw.. where they bump on to your bag while squeezing through the crowded place.. where they cut your queue without signalling.. and I get real pissed off with them.. and all my fucking words will be out on them.. Damn it, I seem not be bothered whether they will hear it or not.. I jst said it ALOUD... "YOU BITCH.. or sometimes YOU BASTARD.." well this is the uliger side of me.. damn rude man...

Mmm the nxt thing I want to share is.. I met this wonderful lady at the gym that I always hang out.. wow.. this lady she has a washboard.. and I myself is working damn hard everyday aiming to get washboard.. so that I can stop admiring people and let people admiring me and envy the great figure I have.. (Yah one little thing.. I realised my boo went smaller.. damn it .. I guess the fats now have converted into muscles)... Anyway.. back to this lady.. she is liked me jst left her job after working 1year plus in a bank.. reason left is the same as mind..MANAGEMENT SUCK!.. and she is exactly also not working for approx. 2mths.. BUT.. she is smart woman.. she is making full use of her time doing stuff .. like networking.. venturing into business.. and damn it look at her.. she is making use every hr every second to make it worth while.. and me .. Feel sucks.. I basically sit down at the computer.. venting all my anger on this blog.. I wonder what great use I have done.. NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!

I love to think.. and I think big.. but putting in action plan.. oh man I am damn poor.. not too sure how should I go abt doing.. and for now what I can think for is.. find a damn fucking job that gives me a good $$$$ salary so that I can save up.. and invest in my dream... Well I guess I am back into square one.. sigh why do I hve to do things twice.. damn it.. why.. maybe I jst fucking idoit who has a problem of short sighted...

Angry as I can be.. but what is the good use of begin angry.. arrgh.. I don't understand..

Maybe I should stop blogging this type of stuff.. and carry on my life thinking positive.. but I find it hard and tough...

Everyday without hving a job is damn scary... fear alwys puts me down all the time.. DAMN IT...
why shld I like fear to this to me..

LET IT GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to .. I have to...... arrgh....

where is the croughing dragon and hidden tiger in me...

Damn it...

First Blog for 2006

Arrgh.. I know it is a brand new year and I should be living in a happy mood.. with butterflies and colourful flowers surrounding you.. But too bad.. obviously rite now I don't have any.. and so what if I have? I don't think I will be enjoying it..

Cant believing living on the earth for a nearly half a century, my life still sucks.. this time round it is big time sucks! Sucks all the way.. damn it.. I hate it..

Many of the website I have gone to check on the description of my horscope.. its all bull shit.. :

* I never been a homely girl.. I love partying and clubbing.. many of my ang moh friends labelled me as "Party animal".. and my asian friends labelled me as "Chongstress.." well cant blame me for that.. for the last 17years of my life I have been kept in a damn freaking pathetic cage with no movement.. so since now I hve the freedom.. why not use it and not waste it..

* I never been a loyal person to sticking one partner.. well the way I said sounded like I am going round fucking people.. but thats not what I meant.. I still flirt even I am with that someone... but times I tried to be loyal to that someone.. but it alwys turn out that someone is a jerk or bastard.. Damn it.. I guess like my gf said bcos you are still now in a play mood.. therefore no guys will take you serious.. Oh yeah! maybe she right.. but think about it..why waste your life.. use it.. be fun and bold...

*I never been a cooperative person.. since my whole life is about working.. I learn to be a loud person.. if I not happy with you.. i shoot you down bluntly.. fast and furious.. I dun give a damn about their feelings.. as I am immune to mind.. since the day I am born .. I am begin condemnd.. jinx.. bitch.. slut.. what else .. well let all these words fly to me.. and I can tell you.. get the shit out here.. or u have a taste of mind...

Arrgh.. and these are a few points.. i have to strongly highlight.. I am no longer the angel or the next door girl.. tdy I gonna to something that will shock everyone.. LOL

This sat will be the show time..

Muahaha... evil laughter.. another side of me